IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Student should spend time working before begining their university studies.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#student #time #university #studies
Attending a place of higher education is always the best way to achieve success. In my opinion, I totally disagree with
this
 statement and the reasons will be demonstrated in the essay. First of all, when you go to school, a university lecturer can guide and advise you. You can
also
 have so much concentrate on studying
instead
 of thinking about how to earn money for family life.
Therefore
, you will obtain so much knowledge and depend on them to get qualifications in order to have many options to choose the career that you like.
Otherwise
, you can just work like
blue
Correct article usage
a blue
show examples
collar-worker
Correct your spelling
collar worker
show examples
 and obtain
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 salary. Tuition fees are very high,
however
, I am convinced that it will be worth it for you.
On the other hand
, if you studied patiently and effectively, you would gain a scholarship. It is a fortune for you and you will not be anxious about tuition fees.
Moreover
, you will receive more opportunities to study abroad. It is the best chance to experience
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 level
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
 and culture in other countries.
In addition
, you will have more salary in the future if you work in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
 company in the future.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
, if you were
breadwinner
Add an article
the breadwinner
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
, you would have responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 making money. What is more, you do not need to work long hours or feel pressure and have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 effect on your health. In conclusion, it is evident that studying at university is one of the crucial and essential factors in your life.
Therefore
, I disagree that spending time on working.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: