IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

1.Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#feel #governments #prioritize #healthcare #areas
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It is often said that governments should treat
healthcare
 more seriously rather than other
areas
. Personally, I disagree with
this
 opinion;
although
healthcare
 may seem a sophisticated area, it is not really more important than other
areas
.
Healthcare
determinedly
Rephrase
apply
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needs to be cared about, but the
government
 should not
put on
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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concentration
Replace the word
concentrate
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 on it and neglect
there
Rephrase
apply
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other
areas
. One
such
 area is
education
.
Education
 is a key factor
to evaluate
Change preposition
in evaluating
show examples
 society’s quality.
For example
, in developing countries, a lack of
education
 can result in high levels of poverty and unemployment. The most suitable example I believe is Africa. Most of the people who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in Africa have not been educated in an appropriate way. It leads to an issue that people lack intellect and lose competition in the world. The contrast, in Japan, the
education
 system
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is incredibly effective. Each inhabitant in Japan has a high quality and intelligence that could improve the whole nation to
the other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
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 position.
Consequently
, The two ultimate examples can see how important
education
 is.
On the other hand
, I believe
government
 already works as hard as it can on
healthcare
. Medical equipment has been innovated dramatically, we can see by the average age of the population,
the
Correct pronoun usage
that the
show examples
 elderly population is obviously higher than teenagers. Meanwhile, they have neglected other
areas
 quite a bit.
For example
, Taiwan’s property prices have surged in the
last
 two years. As I see, the prices certainly are being manipulated by either one humanity or an organization. It has been quite a
while
 and I have not noticed the
government
 makes any movement yet. Graduates who stepped into society in recent years are experiencing the strain that finances bring and I think it could be solved if the
government
 has awareness. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 health care is an essential human right and deserves importance. Ultimately, the key is to find a sustainable and equitable approach that benefits everyone.
Submitted by anson900506 on

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Task Response
Provide a clearer and more direct response to the essay prompt. Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing ideas in a more logical manner. Use appropriate transitions to create a smoother flow.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language to express ideas.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Use a variety of sentence structures and ensure proper use of grammar.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health infrastructure
  • social determinants of health
  • fiscal allocation
  • government expenditure
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • life expectancy
  • pandemic preparedness
  • health equity
  • social safety net
  • holistic approach
  • non-communicable diseases
  • cross-sector collaboration
  • socioeconomic status
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