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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares 7 various factories that utilize ground and public water supply in a country. Data are expressed in millions of cubic meters.

The bar chart compares 7 various factories that utilize ground and public water supply in a country. Data are expressed in millions of cubic meters.
#bar #factories #ground #water #country #data #millions #meters
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The bar graph presents data on the amount of
water
 both in the forms of
ground
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groundwater
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water
 or supplied by the public used in 7 different sectors of a country's economy.
Overall
,
Ground
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Groundwater
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water
 is the main source of
water
 supply for
Fuel
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the Fuel
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, Metal, Chemicals, Paper, and Textiles
industry
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industries
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whereas
 the other 2 sectors (Foods/Drinks and Machinery) mainly consume public supply
water
. Starting from the industries which are in most parts relied on
ground
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groundwater
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water
. Chemicals use the highest amount of
ground
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groundwater
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water
 resources among the others with 430
millions
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million
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of
Change preposition
apply
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cubic meters
while
 remaining
as
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apply
show examples
the highest consumer of public supply
water
 with 240
millions
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million
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. With 240
millions
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million
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, Metal is the second highest consumer of
ground
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groundwater
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water
 with only 90
millions
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million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cubic
water
 in public supply usage.
Subsequently
,
Paper
Correct article usage
the Paper
show examples
 business is in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place of
ground
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groundwater
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water
 consumption:
190
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with 190
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in
ground
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groundwater
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water
 usage compared to only 20
millions
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million
show examples
 in public supply meaning that
Paper
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the Paper
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 industry has the highest gap between
ground
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groundwater
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water
 use and Public supply consumption. Textiles and Fuel are
consequtively
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consecutively
 at the next places with 80
millions
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million
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 of
ground
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groundwater
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water
 compared to 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in public supply and 70
millions
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million
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 of
ground
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groundwater
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water
 compared to 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in public supply, respectively. Turning to sectors with more usage of public supply, Food/Drinks consume 190
millions
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million
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water
 generate publicly and 110
millions
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million
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 of
ground
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groundwater
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water
 resources.
Finally
, Mechinary
consume
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consumes
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 100
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cubic
water
 compared to 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in
ground
Correct your spelling
groundwater
show examples
water
 resources.
Submitted by sajadtorab on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, ground, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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