IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink scientifically proven bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drink #people #health
At the present time, progress in science has clear indicators. Many additives for (in) food, the introduction of GM in meals in order to save on
products
, all
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can have negative consequences for the human body,
as well as
 for his life. I fully agree with the statement that these
products
 should not be sold in stores even if they have a good price for consumption. In a sense, most people have high standards for readily available
products
. There can be many reasons for
this
.
To begin
 with, the fact that a huge number of the younger generation live away from home,
therefore
, they have to buy food and drinks in stores to fill their stomachs. Ultimately, if they consume something unhealthy, it will only cause health problems to escalate and nasty diseases like obesity, liver and kidney problems, and more.
Secondly
, another issue that deserves attention is the possibility of a sales downturn that store and business owners may face. There are now many food communities that can help to avoid those foods that can harm our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. In the event that someone reports the problem to higher authorities, the business owner may have to shut down their store entirely
due to
 a lack of knowledge about what is safe and what is not. Without mentioning that will backfire on credibility. Having put forth all of the substantial arguments, in order to avoid problems for business and for human life, store owners should consider the option of eliminating harmful
products
.
Submitted by Breeze on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: