These days more and more people are making the choice to go to university. While some people are of the opinion that the only purpose of university education is to improve job prospects, others think that society and the individual benefit in much boarder ways.
Nowadays, the new generation attends university because they want to fulfil their dream and work in the career that they desire.
Whereas
the other side criticizes that their purpose is to increase job prospects. I agree with both sides.
On one hand, fulfilling our target is the primary purpose that an individual is keen on achieving, therefore
, applying for a university is one of the new generation's desires because the benefit from education is higher than the expectation. For instance
, someone receives the connection and the experience from such
a period of life. Furthermore
, it is quite obvious that the appearance of a variety of personalities will exist in this
period, so, dealing with individuals is going to be a fantastic ability that pupils achieve.
On the other hand
, there is the opinion that the only purpose of high
education is to improve job prospects. The professors revealed that most popular organizations require a high profile. Correct word choice
higher
This
might force the professional applicant to attend a famous university because the chance
will be increased. Fix the agreement mistake
chances
however
, graduating from abroad and knowing a third language will automatically enhance the opportunity of getting
into the profession. Change preposition
to get
For example
, the applicants can use more than three languages and graduate from abroad. The human resource
and the owner will seriously consider accepting and hiring these applicants to become their employees.
In conclusion, the effect of education depends on their own perspective because we cannot genuinely understand others, Fix the agreement mistake
resources
hence
, everyone has their own path and way to complete.Submitted by amittawin on
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Task Response
The essay is generally relevant to the task, but there is some lack of focus on the purpose of university education. More specific examples to support the points would improve the task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is unclear. It lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the supporting points are not well connected. The essay would benefit from a clearer organization of ideas and a stronger introduction and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and attempts to express ideas, but there are many instances of unclear or awkward phrasing. More precise and varied vocabulary would improve the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates a reasonable control of grammar and sentence structure, but there are some errors and awkward phrases present. Pay attention to sentence structure and word choice to improve grammatical range.