IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#families #children #schools #taxes #support #education #system
By the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 thinking
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that households should not be inquired to pay taxes supporting the
state
education
 system is
narrow
Add an article
a narrow
show examples
 perspective. And
this
 essay will be discussed
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 statement and put the
lights
Fix the agreement mistake
light
show examples
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 it.
To begin
 with, the allocation of taxation paid from the parents who prefer their offspring to attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private schools can take
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great way to not only the future of
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system but
also
 different sections of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and the
state
such
 as health, welfare and livelihood by contributing to invest these sectors.
For instance
,
according to
 the research in London,
2020
Add a comma
,2020
show examples
 the health rate of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in
this
 city saw a dramatic growth by spending tax disbursements from
education
 to improve the condition
public
Change preposition
of public
show examples
 health sections and bring the modern advanced technologies from the other countries in the world. Meanwhile, the transaction that the
education
 tax must be spent to provide the scientists, genies in researching knowledge areas all necessities and encourage them to find solutions to the problems with the painful points of the society should be signed the body of the govern in the countries. In that sense,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supporting the people who work for the development of the government at any
branches
Fix the agreement mistake
branch
show examples
 of that can play a vital role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 better living and lifestyles. Behind
this
state
, citizens can gain the life
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they want and
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 productivity of them can increase high.
In addition
, the government may face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulty how to calculate the expense of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
 and sometimes can allocate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
funds which not
inadequate
Replace the word
adequate
show examples
 sufficient because the
state
 doesn’t have enough money.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
 time, the taxation from
education
 can solve the issue.
To sum up
. I completely disagree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents shouldn’t pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 in private schools. Because of
this
 trend, the country can be led
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
 serious problems mentioned above.
Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public education
  • private schools
  • collective responsibility
  • societal welfare
  • equitable access
  • financial burden
  • social cohesion
  • tax credits
  • vouchers
  • subsidies
  • state-funded
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public vs. private sector
  • quality of education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: