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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the diagram belows shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years

the diagram belows shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years
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The illustration gives information about the public
library
Use synonyms
 floor plan over two decades.
Overall
Linking Words
, the ground floor of the government
library
Use synonyms
 has
history
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 and self-help
sections
Use synonyms
 only in the first
decade
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in the second
decade
Use synonyms
, it renewed and added other parts
such
Linking Words
 as kitchen, economics, and law
sections
Use synonyms
. In the first
decade
Use synonyms
, the
library
Use synonyms
 has two big
sections
Use synonyms
 named self-help and
history
Use synonyms
sections
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
, it has internal fiction too in the inside of
history
Use synonyms
 section.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it has a special part for newspapers and periodicals; and contains eight tables.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the public
library
Use synonyms
 became more modern in the second
decade
Use synonyms
. The number of
sections
Use synonyms
 increased to six places (
history
Use synonyms
, fiction, self-help, kitchen, economics, and law). It contains a special place for children's books and there is a big area for children's. Newspapers and periodicals are replaced by films and DVDs,
while
Linking Words
 the number of tables decreased to four bigger ones compared to the first
decade
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, there is a special area for computers which was absent in the past plan. In conclusion, the new plan is more comfortable compare
the
Change preposition
to the
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 old one, which contains a lot of new requirements.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words library, history, sections, decade with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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