Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

Many
people
consider that televisions and
games
on computers have
influenced
Verb problem
apply
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a negative effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society above their harshness,
while
some others argue
regarding
Change preposition
that
show examples
these problems have no significant influence on individuals' habits. I believe the statements that state any electronic media has bad effects on the community. On the one hand, it cannot be denied that technology has helped
people
to fill their spare time, so watching television and playing
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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video
games
can reduce individuals' stress which has gathered.
For example
, some elders who have retired and no longer have activities, commonly,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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fill their free time by consuming attractive dramas or movies which can entertain in order to keep fit and their mental health.
In addition
, playing some
video
games
on gadgets for children
this
activity it is not only
as
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apply
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entertainment
Replace the word
entertaining
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but
also
can enhance their skills to solve problems that appear in
video
games
.
Therefore
,
problems solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
show examples
skills will be very useful for provision when they are growing up.
On the other hand
, Many channels are not responsible for their shows since they are only considering the movies that have been provided to gather as many viewers and the providers do not give quality shows in which quality shows can educate
people
, and the impact will make
people
to be more clever.
Furthermore
, despite the benefits of playing
video
games
, there are many disadvantages if we allow kids to enjoy playing
games
excessively.
Moreover
, Addiction sources are not only from drugs, but through
video
games
the addiction can infect the children who do it irresponsibly.
Thus
, essential tasks will be abandoned by the kids,
such
as homework, studying, and playing with peers. In conclusion, there are many advantages and disadvantages
by
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to
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doing activities like watching television and playing
games
. I believe that anything
that is
done in excess will bring bad effects, so
people
need to do it wisely.
Submitted by iqiqbalbal14 on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear and focused argument. It should clearly present the writer's opinion on the impact of violence in television and computer games on society.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and coherence. The body paragraphs also lack cohesive progression of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • desensitize
  • empathetic response
  • aggressive behavior
  • formative years
  • impressionable
  • catharsis
  • media psychology
  • mixed results
  • family environment
  • genetics
  • regulatory bodies
  • rating systems
  • vulnerable demographics
  • inappropriate content
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