Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

It is believed in many cases that

music

can bring

people

from every culture and

age

together. I totally agree with

this

statement

due to

the reasons which will be

further

discussed in the paragraphs. On the one hand,

music

is one of the identity elements of any culture which has been vital for the survival of different civilizations throughout history. In the past each country and different regions of a single country used to have specific musical instruments and a specified variety of harmonies that have led to specific characteristics of regional compositions.

For example

, in Iran, there are numerous different cultures that contribute to the rich heritage of traditional

music

and preserving these treasures has led to the existence of a number of national ceremonies throughout the year that gather

people

from all corners of the country.

On the other hand

, because of the nature of

music

which can be performed and listened to by anyone and in any place,

this

has made it easy to enjoy and interfere with

people

from different

age

groups all around the world. By way of example, a survey by Oxford has confirmed the ability to dance to

music

that has been witnessed in little children from a very early

age

and

this

proves that the enjoyment of a piece of harmony is possible for all humans regardless of their

age

or even nationality.

To sum up

music

has brought

people

together for ages and different cultures or

age

gap has not been a barrier against

this

matter,

nonetheless

, the maintaining of cultural and regional

music

is an important issue to be considered by every generation.

Submitted by TUTOO on Thu Aug 03 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion could be more developed and provide a clearer structure for the essay.

task achievement

Provide more specific and diverse examples to support your main points.

lexical resource

Vary your vocabulary and use more precise and specific language.

grammatical range

Work on improving your sentence structures and grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5

8.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

7.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

7.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

7.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

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International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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