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Band 5

In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it?

#countries #level #crime #crimes
There are
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in the
level
 of
crimes
 in some countries
as well as
crimes
 are being more violent. In my view that causes are
people
 and of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
people
 can solve that themselves. Well
first of all
Add the comma(s)
, first of all,
show examples
 I think that
Correct article usage
the works
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 which
people
 do nowadays are
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
 of
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
show examples
level
 of crime.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 A lot of
people
 do not protect their own
sings
Correct your spelling
signs
show examples
 they do not use safer bags that
difficult
Add a missing verb
are difficult
show examples
 to open
lock
Add an article
the lock
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
back and some
people
 do not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
lock their cars or houses.
Generally
Add a comma
,Generally
show examples
 humans use simple handles to lock their own homes.
Therefore
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of burglary pickpocketing and. Second of
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
 there are a lot of disputes among the population.
As a result
 of disputers
people
 become enemies and enemies can damage each other's belongings or even kill each other and kidnap each other's friends or family members in revenge.
Consequently
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the amount of kidnapping vandalism and arson
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing the reason for the increasing fraud is that
people
 are too gullible.
Finally
,the cause for the whole
crimes
,
people
 do not afraid of punishment because punishments
are simply feed
Change the verb form
are simply fed
are simply feeding
show examples
 or many criminals are
pull
Wrong verb form
pulled
show examples
 down.
Well
Add the punctuation
,Well
show examples
 reducing
crimes
also
 depends on humans. If
people
 protect their own things maybe the
level
 of
pickocketing
Correct your spelling
pickpocketing
 and burglary will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decrease. To reduce
murdering
Replace the word
murder
show examples
 kidnapping and vandalism
people
 do not need to fight each other and
also
 they need to talk kindly with others.
Then
 a humans maybe not dispute. It is necessary to complicate the laws and
also
 not to forgive many criminals if they have that
people
 may fear to do
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 of course it
is depends
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 we say that increasing the
level
 of
crimes
 and decreasing the amount of
crimes
 depends on population and government.
Submitted by islomov1229 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • violent crimes
  • socioeconomic factors
  • law enforcement
  • technology
  • education
  • employment
  • drug abuse
  • alcohol abuse
  • poverty
  • inequality
  • effectiveness
  • investing
  • job creation
  • social support
  • community engagement
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