IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below gives information on the average cost of a monthly plan from four different mobile phone providers in a European country, between January and September 2012, measured in euros.

The chart below gives information on the average cost of a monthly plan from four different mobile phone providers in a European country, between January and September 2012, measured in euros.
the provided line graph demonstrates the rate of the monthly cost for four types of cellular phones for
nine-month
Add an article
the nine-month
a nine-month
show examples
 plan
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012 within Europe.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the chart showed a constant fluctuation
along with
Linking Words
 regular growth
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Despite Demo depicting the highest average
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 January accounted for 15
euros
Use synonyms
, and over the period showed climbing to register the highest point in July
25
Change preposition
at 25
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
 , but abruptly declined again to record just under 25
euros
Use synonyms
 in September.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast,
while
Linking Words
 Alpha started with the lowest rate at January exactly at 5
euros
Use synonyms
, the price rate remained slightly stable until June. Suddenly, the product rocketed to hit the peak,
finally
Linking Words
registered
Wrong verb form
registering
show examples
 the highest cost of
25euros
Correct your spelling
25 euros
 in September.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Sim TX in comparison with Lex had embarked with a marginal fluctuation accompanied by moderate
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, Sim TX has been overtaken by Lex at Jane, but both
nearly
Add a missing verb
are nearly
show examples
 just under 15
euros
Use synonyms
, bringing them to
end
Correct article usage
an end
show examples
 with opposite trends.
whereas
Linking Words
 SimTX finished with touching the lowest cost boasting merely under 10
euros
Use synonyms
, Lex contributes almost over 15
euros
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words euros with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: