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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In line with the shift in time, there are growing concerns about the number of
subjects
Use synonyms
 and
knowledge
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 for university
students
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 in each course
as well as
Linking Words
 major.
while
Linking Words
 there are a variety of increases in
students
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’ demand for adding
another
Replace the adjective
another subject
other subjects
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 into their main
subjects
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 partly agree with the idea that it is
also
Linking Words
 essential to focus on studying for qualifications. On the one hand, it is no secret that in order to maintain and improve the student’s
knowledge
Use synonyms
 backgrounds, it is a need for
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 to be responsible for
help
Replace the word
helping
show examples
students
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gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
 more aspects of their courses by some means. the primary reason behind
this
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 could be the applicability of each course for post-graduate
students
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 in order to increase the
Use synonyms
job seeking
Add a hyphen
job-seeking
show examples
 opportunity.
Moreover
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, in these modern days, there are a number of
Use synonyms
students’
Change noun form
students
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Correct pronoun usage
whose job
show examples
 are not
relate
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
 to their major, down to the fact that early adults nowadays tend to be influencers or
Use synonyms
job
Add a missing verb
have job
show examples
 that
relates
Change the verb form
relate
show examples
 to digital marketing rather than vocational jobs in some ways.
however
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, it is only valid
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 certain
extends
Replace the word
extent
show examples
.
on the other hand
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,
students
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 should
also
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 pay a large amount of attention to their main
subjects
Use synonyms
 in order to gain a form background
knowledge
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 for their future jobs, it is fathomable that it is important for
students
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 to mainly focus on one major. it is clear to the naked
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
show examples
 that paying attention to one subject could help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
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 to save time in gaining enough
knowledge
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 before applying
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 reality. on top of that,
subjects
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 which are
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
theorical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 subject,
such
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 as
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
, require
students
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 to study a lot. Because of that, adding more
subjects
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 could
left
Change the verb form
leave
show examples
students
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in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 mental problems,
due to
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 the fact that
students
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 could have to handle strain and stress to consume
such
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 a big amount of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and information. in
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
,
this
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 could be a drawback for
students
Use synonyms
 to attend a course that had more
subjects
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 involved. Having thought about
this
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 issue in some depth,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have come to the conclusion that even adding more
subjects
Use synonyms
 to the main subject could help
students
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 to develop their
knowledge
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 background and flexibility in future
job
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 seeking
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 could be a disadvantage for
students
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 when it could lead to student’s mental illnesses
due to
Linking Words
 the amount of information they have to handle.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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