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Band 5

The graph below shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK.

The graph below shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK.
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The
chart
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 demonstrates the proportions of different contemporary technologies in
UK
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 households between 1994 to 2008.
Overall
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, the proportion of all four technologies increased during the period,
while
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 DVD players were the latest-appeared but the fastest-grown device among all. The CD player was first seen in 1994/95, owned by 40% of
UK
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 families,
then
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 it began to rise until it reached its peak in 2004/05, with nearly 90% of
UK
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 families having it.
In addition
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, the mobile phone was introduced in 1996/1997, starting at 18%,
then
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 it began to fluctuate and saw an improved trend until 2004/05 at approximately 80%
,
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while
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 remaining stable for the rest of the period. The Internet didn’t show up in the first two time periods
,
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 but appeared in 1998/99 with 10% usage in
UK
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 homes,
although
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 it saw a gradual increase, in the final year in the
chart
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, it was the least-owned technology by
UK
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 households (67%). The DVD player was the latest product among all the technologies in the
chart
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,
,
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Linking Words
however
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,however
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 it was the fastest-increased during the time period. Started in 2002/03 at only 30%,
then
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 it saw a significant increase and became the most popular product in the
chart
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 in 2008, with almost 90% of
UK
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 families owning it.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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