IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Despite improved access to education, many adults still lack literacy skills. In what ways are they disadvantaged? What can governments do to help them?

#access #education #adults #lack #literacy #skills #governments
In modern society,
although
people
 have more opportunities to access education, a number of adults can not read and write.
This
 phenomenon has led to some demerits in society and it is the government’s responsibility to adopt some solutions to tackle them. On the one hand, lacking literacy
skills
 might cause some disadvantages for
people
.
Initially
, illiterate
people
 are unable to find a job in the labour market. It is because the target of recruitment is
finally
 to find candidates with a wide range of knowledge and high
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
, so there are no companies willing to hire them.
Moreover
,
people
 lacking literacy
skills
 might easily get into problems as they can not understand the law of a nation.
For instance
, when they get unfair treatment, it would be harder to ask for help from authorities because they can not read and write.
On the other hand
, the government should provide some methods to tackle
this
 problem.
Firstly
, it is necessary to fund more classes in the community to teach illiterate
people
. By doing that, more
people
 will take the chance to improve their reading and writing
skills
.
In addition
, the government should establish more non-profit legal centres to help them in case of being treated unfairly so that we can enhance the balance among
people
 from different social classes.
To conclude
, the lack of literacy
skills
 might lead to some disadvantages in society and the government should apply some solutions to increase the knowledge of the population and supply more legal services to help the
people
 who can not read and write overcome their problems.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more engaging and focused. The essay lacks clarity and conciseness in presenting the main points and examples. Clearer development of ideas is needed.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the task, addressing some relevant points. The ideas are not fully supported with specific examples, and the response could be more comprehensive and focused on the task prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: