There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Nowadays, our society is putting teenagers under pressure to attend

Correct article usage

apply

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college, since some people think that

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academic work, like

doctor

Correct article usage

a doctor

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lawyer

Replace the word

law

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, is the only way to be successful. I totally disagree with the idea that,

due to

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this

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general opinion, it is better that some no-academic subjects should no longer

taught

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be taught

teach

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at school. There are several reasons to disagree with the idea. First of all, a teenager should choose freely what

them

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they

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prefer to do without listening to other people suggest them.

For example

Linking Words

, if a girl does not like spending her time studying but she is skilled with her hands, she can opt for a vocational study, like

hairdresser

Correct article usage

a hairdresser

show examples

or florist.

In addition

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, a recent Swiss statistic confirmed that if you enjoy your job, you will love more your life.

Consequently

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, companies are satisfied because their workers are more productive.

Secondly

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, subjects like physical education and cookery are useful for our real life and our health. Indeed, everyone knows that playing sports is essential to be in shape, so you can avoid many healthy issues and feel full of positive energy.

Furthermore

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, knowing how to cook something is an important skill, even for students who attending a university abroad. In conclusion, I believe that everybody should, if it is possible, choose their own way without any pressure

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since we spend most of our lives working. In brief, we need to be happy with our job because it can affect our day

as well as

Linking Words

our life.

Submitted by quarenghi.lisa on Sat Aug 05 2023

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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