Many people believe that children should spend their time reading stories rather than playing computer games or watching television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #time #stories #computer #games #television

Many individuals think that

children

should spend their time reading

stories

instead

of playing computer

games

or watching

. I completely disagree with

this

statement because

and playing computer

games

speed up

learning

Add an article

the learning

show examples

process

and enhance creativity.

To begin

with, I totally believe that

children

should spend their time playing

video

games

or watching television rather than reading

stories

Firtsly

Correct your spelling

Firstly

, watching

can

boosts

Change the verb form

boost

show examples

learning

Correct article usage

the learning

show examples

process

among

children

This

is because television

contain

Change the verb form

contains

show examples

pictures and sounds, which

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can make watching television more interesting.

For example

from

Change preposition

show examples

watching fiction movies

children

can learn how to think

out

Change preposition

outside

show examples

box

Add an article

the box

show examples

, which

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can

boosts

Change the verb form

boost

show examples

creativity among

children

Secondly

, often

progarm

Correct your spelling

program

programs

use simple vocabulary easy to understand for

children

In contrast

, reading

stories

from books

often

Add a missing verb

is often

show examples

boring and using complex

langauge

Correct your spelling

language

, which

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

learning

Add an article

the learning

show examples

process

more challenging for

children

Finally

, playing

video

games

can improve solving problems skills among

children

This

is because some

video

games

encourage

children

to solve

Add an article

the puzzle

a puzzle

show examples

puzzle

Fix the agreement mistake

puzzles

show examples

in order to

wine

Correct your spelling

win

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

games

, which

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can increase

intelligent

Replace the word

intelligence

show examples

among

children

Moreover

, researchers have

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

proven playing

computers

Change the noun form

computer

show examples

games

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

children

can contribute to

make

Change the verb form

making

show examples

children

less vulnerable to get mental health

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

namely, depression, anxiety, and stress.

This

due to

the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

playing

video

games

is considered exercise for

brain

Add an article

the brain

show examples

, which

mean

Correct subject-verb agreement

means

show examples

video

games

improve brain functions.

To sum up

, I strongly think that

children

should spend their time playing

video

games

or watching

instead

of reading

stories

because playing

video

games

and watching

enhance

learning

Add an article

the learning

show examples

process

, creativity,

brain

Correct word choice

and brain

show examples

functions.

Submitted by faiz3177 on Sat Aug 05 2023

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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