The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of Australian males and
females
Use synonyms
, who participated in regular physical activities in 6
age
Use synonyms
groups; in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is pretty evident that women tended to exercise more than
men
Use synonyms
in all
age
Use synonyms
groups; except those aged 15 to 24.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the amount of physical activity between both genders fluctuated at different ages. Regarding
females
Use synonyms
,47.7% of women aged between 15 to 24 tended to exercise on a regular basis,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
ratio
Use synonyms
increased marginally among individuals aged 25-34, which indicates 48.9%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it stands out from the chart that more than half of women between 35 to 44 performed physical activities with 52.5% respectively. It is
also
Linking Words
can be seen that
females
Use synonyms
in the third and fourth
age
Use synonyms
groups (45 to 54 and 55 to 64) share the
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
of 53%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, about 47.1%of seniors, aged 65 and over, worked out regularly. With regards to
men
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
15to24 years old were the lead with 52.8% in comparison to
females
Use synonyms
at the same
age
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 42.2% of young
men
Use synonyms
from 25 to 34 were inclined to work out regularly,
likewise
Linking Words
those aged 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 with almost similar
Use synonyms
ratio
Fix the agreement mistake
ratios
show examples
of 43.1 and 45.1% respectively. The share of males performing physical movements
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
reached the percentage of 46.7 among males aged 65 or over.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the third
age
Use synonyms
group marked the lowest
ratio
Use synonyms
with 39.5% respectively.
Submitted by mohammadmgh1381 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words females, age, men, ratio with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: