IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some believe the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars and motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #road #safety #age #cars #motorbikes
A group of individuals present the view that the best measure which can be done to enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
roads
Change the noun form
road
show examples
 safety is to raise the minimum legal
age
 for driving vehicles
such
 as cars and motorbikes. I agree with
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 notion that driving
age
 contributes to
roads
Change the noun form
road
show examples
accidents
. It is my view that youngsters are not aware of the consequences of their actions. They tend to drive over the legal speed which is not only dangerous for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
themselves but
also
 harmful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
In addition
, the youth are more likely to break the law which can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to major problems. What they need is driving
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 may be a threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
For instance
,
people
 have seen many
accidents
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 the youngsters were in a competitive atmosphere and they started a race in a common street which caused serious issues and adverse
accidents
 which could bring them to death.
In contrast
, some
people
 claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accidents
 have nothing to do with
age
.
Moreover
, they insist that younger
people
 have more
concentrations
Fix the agreement mistake
concentration
show examples
 which is beneficial for driving.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing as many issues are associated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
 and it is
undoubtable
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 that most
youth
Change to a plural noun
youths
show examples
 are into video games which brings them some
imaginary
Replace the word
imagination
show examples
. Despite
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 reality, they assume that they are capable of doing almost everything and they fuse those games with
Correct article usage
the imaginary
show examples
imaginary
Replace the word
imagination
show examples
 which result in committing a crime.
For example
, some younger
people
 have hit someone and run away since they were not aware of the consequences.
Besides
, they had a fear of paying a hefty fine or going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail. In conclusion, I completely agree with increasing the minimum
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
legal driving
age
 because the youth mostly tend to break the law
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be the root of many
road’s
Change noun form
road
show examples
 issues.
Submitted by fatemeh.gh9797 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: