IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 word

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 word
The bar graph illustrates some differences
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the percentage of humans born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and those outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 (
cities
Use synonyms
,
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
) in 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Cities
Use synonyms
 have a higher count of
people
Use synonyms
 than rural
areas
Use synonyms
 or
towns
Use synonyms
 for both, population outside and in
Australia
Use synonyms
. The second highest place after
cities
Use synonyms
 would be rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
towns
Use synonyms
. But that changes in 2010, as the city's population plummeted,
Use synonyms
towns
Correct word choice
and towns
show examples
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 have lesser and lesser
people
Use synonyms
 born. In 1995,
cities
Use synonyms
 had a greater amount of
people
Use synonyms
 being born. Not many
people
Use synonyms
 were born in
towns
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 rural
areas
Use synonyms
 still had a considerable amount of
people
Use synonyms
 birthing there. But compared to
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 were born more in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. The popularity of
people
Use synonyms
 being born in
towns
Use synonyms
 lessened when the focus shifts to
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
. For the record of 2010, the rate of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and outside was high in
cities
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 had a higher number (20 more compared to 1995) of
people
Use synonyms
 being born in
cities
Use synonyms
. The trend of children being born in
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 lessens in 2010.
People
Use synonyms
 living outside
Australia
Use synonyms
, giving birth in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 almost becomes negligent. An extreme drop compared to the graph of 1995.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, cities, towns, areas, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percent
  • percentage
  • share
  • born in Australia
  • born outside Australia
  • Australia-born
  • urban
  • rural
  • town
  • 1995
  • 2010
  • increase
  • increases
  • increasing
  • decrease
  • decreases
  • decreasing
  • rise
  • rose
  • rises
  • move
  • moved
  • moving
  • gap
  • difference
  • overall
  • trend
  • pattern
  • more
  • less
  • higher
  • lower
  • than
  • from
  • to
  • between
  • area
  • areas
  • city
  • cities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: