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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 word

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 word
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The bar graph illustrates some differences
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the percentage of humans born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and those outside
Australia
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 (
cities
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,
towns
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 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
) in 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Cities
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 have a higher count of
people
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 than rural
areas
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 or
towns
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 for both, population outside and in
Australia
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. The second highest place after
cities
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 would be rural
areas
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 and
then
Linking Words
towns
Use synonyms
. But that changes in 2010, as the city's population plummeted,
Use synonyms
towns
Correct word choice
and towns
show examples
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 have lesser and lesser
people
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 born. In 1995,
cities
Use synonyms
 had a greater amount of
people
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 being born. Not many
people
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 were born in
towns
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while
Linking Words
 rural
areas
Use synonyms
 still had a considerable amount of
people
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 birthing there. But compared to
people
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 born in
Australia
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,
people
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 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 were born more in rural
areas
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. The popularity of
people
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 being born in
towns
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 lessened when the focus shifts to
people
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 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
. For the record of 2010, the rate of
people
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 born in
Australia
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 and outside was high in
cities
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
people
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 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 had a higher number (20 more compared to 1995) of
people
Use synonyms
 being born in
cities
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. The trend of children being born in
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 lessens in 2010.
People
Use synonyms
 living outside
Australia
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, giving birth in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 almost becomes negligent. An extreme drop compared to the graph of 1995.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, cities, towns, areas, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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