The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.

#bar #percentage #participation #men #development #three #companies #year

The

bar

chart

presents information about the development of the participation of men in senior in three companies from 1980 to 2010.

This

bar

chart

talks about all data of three companies, which are

IBM

Microsoft

and

Apple

. the

bar

chart

has percentages of 0%-70%, Which summarizes the data between 1980 and 2010. In following the

bar

chart

Change preposition

apply

show examples

2010 has the most

percentage

than other years,which was

showed

Wrong verb form

shown

show examples

in three companies that are

IBM

Microsoft

and

Apple

, which are 62%,45% and 25% respectively.

IBM

had the highest

percentage

. In 1980, the

percentage

was less than the others,which are

IBM

Microsoft

and

Apple

. There are 2%,8%and 13%. The

percentage

will increase every year. From 1980 to 2010,

IBM

had the highest

percentage

in 2010 and

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

the least in 1985, which are 62% and 1% respectively.

Microsoft

had the highest in 2010 and the least in 1980, which are 45% and 8 % respectively.

Apple

had the highest in 2010 and the least in 1985, which are 25% and 12 % respectively.

Submitted by pramai177 on Mon Aug 07 2023

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Linking words: Add some linking words.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, chart, ibm, microsoft, apple, percentage with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

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1Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

172 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than every other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Write to support this claim.

The government should sometimes infringe on peoples' freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

When country develops its technology the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?