The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.

#bar #percentage #participation #men #development #three #companies #year

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The

bar

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chart

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presents information about the development of the participation of men in senior in three companies from 1980 to 2010.

This

Linking Words

bar

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chart

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talks about all data of three companies, which are

IBM

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Microsoft

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and

Apple

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. the

bar

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chart

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has percentages of 0%-70%, Which summarizes the data between 1980 and 2010. In following the

bar

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chart

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

2010 has the most

percentage

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than other years,which was

showed

Wrong verb form

shown

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in three companies that are

IBM

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Microsoft

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and

Apple

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, which are 62%,45% and 25% respectively.

IBM

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had the highest

percentage

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. In 1980, the

percentage

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was less than the others,which are

IBM

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Microsoft

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and

Apple

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. There are 2%,8%and 13%. The

percentage

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will increase every year. From 1980 to 2010,

IBM

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had the highest

percentage

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in 2010 and

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

the least in 1985, which are 62% and 1% respectively.

Microsoft

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had the highest in 2010 and the least in 1980, which are 45% and 8 % respectively.

Apple

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had the highest in 2010 and the least in 1985, which are 25% and 12 % respectively.

Submitted by pramai177 on Mon Aug 07 2023

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Linking words: Add some linking words.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, chart, ibm, microsoft, apple, percentage with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

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1
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

172 words

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The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.

recently there benn a considerable trend towards wantingto move out of urban areqas and into rural ones . what are the advantages and disadvantages of living in rural areas?

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that governments should pay full course fees for students who want to study in universities. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? (rewrite)

The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?