IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #rights #humans #food #research
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In the modern world, an increasing number of
people
 tend to believe that
animals
 should be the same matter as
humanity's lives
Change noun form
humans
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 as they
also
 have life and
animals
 should not be harmed by humans.
However
,there are those who argue that there are just only
animals
 that we can do anything with them as we prefer,
such
 as cooking them
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 or using them for research study.
This
 essay argues in favour of the former position, and in the following paragraphs, both of these views will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, it is certainly true that
animals
 are used to respond to human needs.
This
 is because some
animals
 are bound to be the food,
such
 as chickens, pigs and cows which commonly eat those
animals
.
Moreover
, some
animals
,
such
 as rabbits and rats are commonly used in the Laboratory.
As a result
, those kinds of
animals
such
 as chickens, pigs and rabbits, there is bound to be employed
animals
 to satisfy
people
's needs.
Nevertheless
, it cannot be denied that every
lives
Change to a singular noun
life
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 vital and
animals
 have life as well.
This
 is particularly because they should not be the tools or foods for humans, and
people
 have many choices to eat something else
instead
 and can avoid using
animals
 for their research because is not necessary. To illustrate
this
 point,
according to
 a recent research study by Harvard University, approximately 95% of products in the US are not tested by
animals
.
Consequently
,
people
 have many choices to avoid using
animals
. In conclusion,
although
 some
animals
 are bound to be employed
animals
 to satisfy human needs,
people
 have many choices to avoid using
animals
. In my opinion,
people
 should attempt to avoid using
animals
 as tools or food as much as possible.
Submitted by cat_dudick on

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Task Response
Ensure that your essay addresses all aspects of the task prompt, and provide a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay should be improved to enhance overall coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use precise lexical choices to convey your ideas effectively.
Grammatical Range
Work on sentence structure, punctuation, and grammatical accuracy to avoid errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Exploitation
  • Animal welfare
  • Ethical treatment
  • Vegetarianism
  • Veganism
  • Cognitive dissonance
  • Humane
  • Live stock
  • Cruelty-free
  • Bioethics
  • Conservation
  • Habitat preservation
  • Ecosystem
  • Biodiversity
  • Animal testing
  • Synthetic biology
  • Genetic engineering
  • Speciesism
  • Animal husbandry
  • Sustainable farming
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