IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #government
Everyone is concerned about their
health
 and the
health
 of their loved ones.
According to
 the prevalent belief of certain
individuals
,
health
 is one's own liability,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 is linked with
state's
Correct article usage
the state's
show examples
 obligation. I believe that both
individuals
 and
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 can work in tandem in safeguarding people's
health
. Every person can take measures that support him in maintaining sound
health
. Most of the population do not follow a dietary plan so they are unable to have a balanced diet. They are not only unaware of the
body;s
Change the punctuation
body's
show examples
 food
reqirement
Correct your spelling
requirement
requirements
 but
also
 lack interest in consulting a
nutrionist
Correct your spelling
nutritionist
,
Moreover
, the majority of the population nowadays have a sedentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
As a result
 of poor diet and lack of physical activity, people face several medical problems.
Consequently
, we see a surge in the number of patients facing diabetes and cardiovascular diseases .
For Instance
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the households have
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 one diabetic patient.
Therefore
, an
individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
 role in safeguarding their
health
 is very crucial.
On the other hand
, the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 can
also
 play
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 role in protecting the
health
 of its citizen in various ways. They can discourage the consumption of unhealthy
products
 by imposing heavy taxes on
products
.
For instance
, Sugar Tax
imposed
Add a missing verb
is imposed
show examples
 on beverages by
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 of
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom.
Moreover
, they can provide subsidies
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
healtheir
Correct your spelling
healthy
products
., encouraging the masses
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
consumption
Replace the word
consume
show examples
 of healthier
products
.
Furthermore
, they should build awareness among
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 about the benefits of having a healthy life.
For example
, adding nutrition as part of children's school education. In conclusion, I believe that everyone has his or her duty in developing a society of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
individuals
. Both citizens and government should play their part in mitigating the
health
 issues among
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
. A combined effort is needed to maintain the
health
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings.
Submitted by syedsaad50 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • public health infrastructure
  • health literacy
  • wellness programs
  • fiscal policies
  • lifestyle diseases
  • universal healthcare
  • regulatory frameworks
  • socio-economic determinants of health
  • holistic health approach
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