The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. 

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.
The given line chart illustrates the typical daily demand for
electricity
during
winter
and
summer
in England,
while
the pie chart shows what
electricity
is used for in an average house.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the demand for
electricity
in
winter
is higher than in
summer
. The largest percentage of
electricity
is used for heating rooms and heating water. Looking at the information in more detail, around 35,000 units of
electricity
are used in the early month in
winter
days,
while
approximately 18,000 units are used in
summer
. On the 21st day, the units of
electricity
in
winter
reach a peak of just under 50,000 before falling to around 32,000 on the 24th day. With respect to the demand for
electricity
in
summer
,
this
figure rises to around 20,000 in half month and it decreases to around 18,000 on the 24th day. As regards the aim of
electricity
, 52.5% of
electricity
is used for heating rooms or heating water and
then
followed by the use of kitchen utensils including ovens, kettles, and washing machines at 17.5%.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
30% of the
electricity
is used for lighting, TV, radio, vacuum cleaners, food mixers, and electric tools.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, winter, summer with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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