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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.
#demand #electricity #england #winter #summer #home #country #information #features #cmparison
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The given line chart illustrates the typical daily demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
 during
winter
Use synonyms
 and
summer
Use synonyms
 in England,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart shows what
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used for in an average house.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
 in
winter
Use synonyms
 is higher than in
summer
Use synonyms
. The largest percentage of
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used for heating rooms and heating water. Looking at the information in more detail, around 35,000 units of
electricity
Use synonyms
 are used in the early month in
winter
Use synonyms
 days,
while
Linking Words
 approximately 18,000 units are used in
summer
Use synonyms
. On the 21st day, the units of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in
winter
Use synonyms
 reach a peak of just under 50,000 before falling to around 32,000 on the 24th day. With respect to the demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
 in
summer
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 figure rises to around 20,000 in half month and it decreases to around 18,000 on the 24th day. As regards the aim of
electricity
Use synonyms
, 52.5% of
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used for heating rooms or heating water and
then
Linking Words
 followed by the use of kitchen utensils including ovens, kettles, and washing machines at 17.5%.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 30% of the
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used for lighting, TV, radio, vacuum cleaners, food mixers, and electric tools.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, winter, summer with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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