IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are released. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Introduction
Nowadays, more and more prisoners commit crimes after they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 out of prison.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main problems and propose a possible solution to avoid them.
Body paragraph 1
The main problems are that individuals don't change the way they think ,and they are
more angry
Correct word choice
angrier
show examples
 after they are released.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people don't consider that they acted wrong and,
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, they don't see the time in captivity as an opportunity to change.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they are angry at authorities and are tilt to commit another crime as a rematch.
For example
Linking Words
, if a man has stayed in captivity for one year for stealing a watch , once he gets out , he will be angry and will want to steal another one.
Body paragraph 2
A possible solution is
making
Wrong verb form
to make
show examples
 a psychology course in jail. With the help of an expert, prisoners can have the opportunity to think about what they have done wrong and what they need to change. They can reflect on their life choices and their past actions. Every person who did something bad feels guilty inside
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 a psychologist can help them to deal with their
psychical
Correct word choice
physical
show examples
 health .
Moreover
Linking Words
, regret is the first step in the repair process of a prisoner. So, creating a friendly and healthy environment in jail is vital
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 way ,there are big chances that ,after individuals are released, they will not commit another misdemeanour ever again.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a man regrets his actions and starts thinking about the consequences of his bad behaviour, he will not be a tint to do them once more.
Conclusion
In conclusion, not changing convicts' attitudes and mentality in jail is a big problem. The most effective solution is to
organize
Use the right word
organise
show examples
 psychology classes for misdemeanours.

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grammar
Use short, simple sentences. Break long ideas into two sentences so the reader can follow easily.
structure
Organize the essay with a clear plan: introduction, body with two main ideas, and a conclusion.
task response
Add more evidence or examples to back up each main point.
vocabulary
Check word use and spelling. For example, 'tilt' should be 'likely', 'psychical health' should be 'mental health'.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas (First, Also, However, Finally).
task response
The essay keeps a clear focus on the problem and a solution.
coherence
There is a plan to use psychology in prison as a fix.
lexical resource
An example is given to show how the issue may happen.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Recidivism
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegration
  • Marginalization
  • Vocational training
  • Psychological counseling
  • Sentencing laws
  • Community-based programs
  • Anti-discrimination laws
  • Employment bias
  • Probation system
  • Social stigma
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