IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Nowadays,
people
 in many countries tend to move from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to the
cities
.
That's
Unnecessary verb
That
show examples
 cause the population in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
decrease
Fix the infinitive
to decrease
show examples
. I believe that
this
 would be a negative development.
This
 essay intends to examine the cause of
this
 issue and propose
potential
Add an article
a potential
show examples
 solution. As is seen, the inhabitant of rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 like to move to the town to study and to work. The
cities
 usually have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
abundant infrastructure and good
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives.
For instance
, the students could find not only a good school to get higher education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 a good place to work in the
cities
 after graduation.
This
 phenomenon leads to
overpopulated
Replace the word
overpopulation
show examples
 in the town, making the city ‘s infrastructure overloaded.
As a result
, when the
cities
 suffer these situations, social problems
such
 as
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
, traffic jams,
Correct word choice
and increase
show examples
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 house
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
would be occurred.
On the other hand
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
working
Correct article usage
a working
show examples
 force in the
countryside
 could lead to reducing agriculture production.
Thus
, the nations would have to import more farming products replacing the inadequate volumes that can itself
produced
Add a missing verb
be produced
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the old
people
 who live in the
countryside
 may suffer isolated life since young
people
 have already moved to the town. To address these challenges, the government should support the farmers to hold the land for farming purposes. Another important solution involves making
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
policy to encourage
people
stay
Add the particle
to stay
show examples
 in the rural area
such
 as
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 the farmers capital to invest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
farming
Correct article usage
the farming
show examples
 process in order to get more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
Besides
, making better infrastructure for
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life in
rustic
Correct article usage
a rustic
show examples
 place
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 better.
Submitted by khoiminhnguyen1411 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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