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Band 6.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
Nowadays, children received lots of
pressured
Change the form of the verb
pressure
show examples
 to succeed in their academic journey. There is the
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that
subjects
 like Physical
education
 and
cookery
 should be removed from
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 syllabus. I strongly believe that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 are fundamental for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 good social development of young people. I consider that
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
subjects
 help to improve the
concentration
.
In addition
, they help to improve their ability to survive in a complex society.
Firstly
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would talk about how
concentration
 is related to
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
. Physical
education
 helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids to learn about
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 body. Having
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 habits is fundamental for a
relax
Replace the word
relaxed
show examples
 and clear mind.
For example
, there is a study from the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of Oxford that demonstrates the strong
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 between
concentration
 and sports.
Therefore
,
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
, like physical
education
,
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to
improved
Change the verb
improve
show examples
concentration
 in young people.
Secondly
, learning about
subjects
 like
cookery
 helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children survive a more complex society.
For instance
, a kid the learned how to cook
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 need
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much help from others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and even could give a hand
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 house needs.That said, cooking and nutrition are fundamental aspects that will help them navigate their life.
Thus
, learning
cookery
 will improve the ability to survive in society. To summarize,
Non academic
Add a hyphen
Non-academic
show examples
subjects
 like Physical
education
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
Cookery
 will help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children to improve their
concentration
 and
overall
 abilities to survive in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern societies.
That is
 why I
considere
Correct your spelling
consider
considered
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
subjects
 are fundamental for
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 development of young people. In regards to the future schools should invest more in these types of courses to help
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
kids for their adulthood.
Submitted by jorgederecho on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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