IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, children received lots of
pressured
Change the form of the verb
pressure
show examples
 to succeed in their academic journey. There is the
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that
subjects
Use synonyms
 like Physical
education
Use synonyms
 and
cookery
Use synonyms
 should be removed from
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 syllabus. I strongly believe that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 are fundamental for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 good social development of young people. I consider that
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 help to improve the
concentration
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, they help to improve their ability to survive in a complex society.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would talk about how
concentration
Use synonyms
 is related to
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
. Physical
education
Use synonyms
 helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids to learn about
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 body. Having
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 habits is fundamental for a
relax
Replace the word
relaxed
show examples
 and clear mind.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a study from the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of Oxford that demonstrates the strong
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 between
concentration
Use synonyms
 and sports.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
, like physical
education
Use synonyms
,
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to
improved
Change the verb
improve
show examples
concentration
Use synonyms
 in young people.
Secondly
Linking Words
, learning about
subjects
Use synonyms
 like
cookery
Use synonyms
 helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children survive a more complex society.
For instance
Linking Words
, a kid the learned how to cook
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 need
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much help from others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and even could give a hand
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 house needs.That said, cooking and nutrition are fundamental aspects that will help them navigate their life.
Thus
Linking Words
, learning
cookery
Use synonyms
 will improve the ability to survive in society. To summarize,
Non academic
Add a hyphen
Non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 like Physical
education
Use synonyms
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
Cookery
Use synonyms
 will help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children to improve their
concentration
Use synonyms
 and
overall
Linking Words
 abilities to survive in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern societies.
That is
Linking Words
 why I
considere
Correct your spelling
consider
considered
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 are fundamental for
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 development of young people. In regards to the future schools should invest more in these types of courses to help
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
kids for their adulthood.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: