IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15, while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of each system? Which is better?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over the benefits of different educational approaches.
While
Linking Words
 some hold a strong view that
students
Use synonyms
 should focus on a limited number of
subjects
Use synonyms
 from the age of 15, the opposite makes a statement that they should spread the focus on
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 across the board.
While
Linking Words
 the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt, the narrowed scope of
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
 can bring about immense benefits to 15-year-old-and-above
adstudents
Correct your spelling
students
and students
. It is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that without
such
Linking Words
 a focus,
students
Use synonyms
 would have to divide their attention for a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
, many of which do not seem to have any direct relevance to their prospective
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, mid-teens can early concentrate on certain
subjects
Use synonyms
 that are related to their university major
such
Linking Words
 as Maths
as well as
Linking Words
 English.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 way of education may positively impact the
students
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the redeeming features of
restricted
Correct article usage
a restricted
show examples
 curriculum are widely acknowledged, I believe that it is more advisable for 15-year-olds to follow a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
. By doing so, they can have more time to explore themselves and identify their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 subject because of the fact that at the age of 15, most
students
Use synonyms
 are too young to decide their pursuit. To be more specific, in
Viet Nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
show examples
, a student who decides on the right major has a high chance of being successful in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 are the beneficiaries of comprehensive educational programs. In my conclusion, absorbing precious insights
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
 all
subjects
Use synonyms
 before leaving school can bring more paramount significant advantages compared to a restricted curriculum.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to introduce the essay with a clear thesis statement that presents your stance and overview of the main points you will discuss. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, clearly state your main points and support them with specific, relevant examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly, ensuring your argument flows logically from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Create a compelling conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion in a convincing way. This reaffirms your stance and leaves a strong impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: