IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer solution.

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In
Linking Words
Last
Correct article usage
the Last
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 decade cases of obesity
has
Change the verb form
have
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 increased by 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
Main
Correct article usage
The main
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 reasons are eating junk food and lack of physical activities. The most viable solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 is promoting healthy eating and exercise by
children
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. The overweight
problem
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 among
children
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 has grown and
became
Wrong verb form
become
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serious
Add an article
a serious
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 concern for society. The main cause of
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is eating junk
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 enjoy
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
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instead
Linking Words
 of taking healthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 which contain carbohydrates, proteins etc.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, lack of exercise by
children
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 A major factor
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children
Change preposition
in children
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 becoming overweight.
Children
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 these days do not engage in physical activities like exercises.
For example
Linking Words
, In
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, Most
children
Use synonyms
 engage in indoor activities like playing videogames or spending time on social media. To find the way
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is to inculcate
habit
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the habit
a habit
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 of eating healthy meals. If
children
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 eat healthy food their
body
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bodies
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 will gain muscles and
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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 fat. which will help in reducing body fat in their bodies. Strict diet
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
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 need to follow by them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,Another way of reducing weight is doing exercises like walking, weightlifting and so on. By adopting
exercise
Correct article usage
an exercise
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 regime
children
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 will
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 excess body weight and
became
Change the form of the verb
become
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 healthier. To cite an example, In countries like India
children
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 engage in sports like cricket , football which makes
physically
Correct pronoun usage
them physically
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 fit and healthy. In conclusion, to overcome
Use synonyms
problem
Add an article
the problem
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 of overweight among
children
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. Habits like healthy eating and exercising
needs
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need
show examples
 to be inculcated among them . IT will make them leaner, fitter and strong. simultaneously we will overcome
Use synonyms
problem
Add an article
the problem
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 of obesity among them .
this
Linking Words
 will help in controlling obesity in
children
Use synonyms
 on
worldwide
Add an article
a worldwide
show examples
 basis.

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