IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that it is the government's responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write an essay with no less than 250 words.

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
The sugar
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Sugar
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 and oily products are the real culprits causing overweight and social media for
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 among children. In many countries,
public
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the public
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 blame
government
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the government
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 for not controlling and
interviening
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intervening
interviewing
the
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in the
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 situation. But should the
government
 be responsible for people's own
choice
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choices
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? I strongly disagree with
this
 opinion. In
this
essay
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,essay
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 we will discuss the reasons why kid's
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 overweight and
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
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 an unhealthy life and actions justifying the
government
 in controlling the situation. First and foremost, one of the reasons is consuming sugary and oily -
the
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apply
show examples
junk food, which leads to
lot
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a lot
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 of fatty molecules not
absorbed
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being absorbed
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 by the body,
hence
high fat
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high-fat
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 content. On
the
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apply
show examples
top of that, social media has trapped innocent kids glued to their
mobile
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mobiles
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, stopping any physical activities.
Hence
 leading to
unhealthy
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an unhealthy
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lifestyle
. It should be
parent's
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the parent's
show examples
 responsibility to monitor their kids and educate them
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 importance of eating healthy and staying fit.
For instance
, parents should timebox
the
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apply
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time spend on social media and encourage outdoor physical activities.
Secondly
, the
government
 is doing its job by mandating all products to have food composition published on the package.
For example
, the percentage of fat and nutrition any product contains.
Also
, it's
individual
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an individual
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 choice to consume what they want.
In addition
, a lot of parks and cycling tracks are constructed by the city for its people and
special
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a special
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kid-zone
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kid zone
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for children, encouraging them to enjoy outdoor activities. In conclusion, we have succinctly described the actions taken by
government
Add an article
the government
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 in promoting
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
 and mandating products to have detailed composition distribution mentioned on the package. Nothing more can't be expected
for
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from
show examples
 the
government
 and parents should step up to monitor their kids.
Hence
 I completely disagree with people's opinion pushing all the blame on the
government
 for overweight and unhealthy
lifestyle
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lifestyles
show examples
 in children.
Submitted by sameersharma.canada on

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