IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic: Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #job #seekers #receipt #government #work #community
Nowadays, in many countries are a lot of
people
, who have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 job. They take some charity from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and doles. They could stay without
work
 for a long time and receive
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 benefits without
simple
Change the word
simply
show examples
 working. Scientists say, that around two hundred
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 now are unemployed.
To begin
 with, some of these
people
 would not like to find
a
Remove the article
work
a job
show examples
work
. They do not care about
this
, but simple worker pays taxes, which are going to doles for
jobless
Correct article usage
the jobless
show examples
. At
this
poin
Correct your spelling
point
, we could say that unemployed
people
 need to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary
work
 for their towns or
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
.
Then
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 need to organize
this
 voluntary
work
 around the cities.
For example
, cleaning streets, helping old
people
 or organizing some holidays.
However
, often we could not know, what is the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 his
non working
Add a hyphen
non-working
show examples
. In my experience, I visited many
people
, who have many misfortune events in
nearest
Add an article
the nearest
show examples
 time.
After
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 actions,
people
 could have depressive feelings.
Following
this
, I think a little bit of relaxing time without working will be better. In
this
 case,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should offer
this
 voluntary
work
.
Also
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jobless
people
 are invalids or with some sores. In
this
 way,
unemployed
Correct article usage
the unemployed
show examples
 could
refusal
Replace the word
refuse
show examples
 in voluntary
work
.
As a result
, our community needs a good department, which will
solves
Change the verb form
solve
show examples
 questions about seekers. In my opinion, seekers need to do some
work
 for the community. Many of them do not find a job only take a relaxing part with some additional doles. But
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
, who does not
work
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 boringly and
lazyly
Correct your spelling
lazily
.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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