The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
This
given bar chart illustrates how many employees from two gender groups have been working in different types of occupations in Australia during the last
year.
Overall
, while
a sizeable majority of women's population have been clerical, a huge number of men have been working in the trade realm as businessman
. Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
Furthermore
, a
insignificant number of ladies worked as trade Change the article
an
person
and in the field of production Fix the agreement mistake
persons
whereas
a minority of men's community were workers.
At first glance, it is clear that
being trade people
and clerical were the two most common jobs among men and more than 800000 people
were doing these economic activities while
working as a clerk and a professional were the most regular jobs among women by working more than 700000 people
in those realms.
Moreover
, the less frequent occupations among females have been working asAdd an article
a
businesswoman
and working in production fields by 100000 ladies who were doing Fix the agreement mistake
businesswomen
this
types of jobs while
less frequent works among males were working as a labour and a
semi-professional employees respectively by 500000 and fewer hired Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
people
in these job positions.Submitted by m.v.g1371 on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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