IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

#people #farmland #industry #land #animals #point #support
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Nowadays, some
people
 suggest that human needs like housing are more crucial than preserving
animals
' habitats. In my opinion, I do not agree with
this
 statement. I believe that
people
 who are living in the world need to protect the land for endangered
animals
. In the following, I will explain
this
 view in more depth.
Firstly
,
this
 land, the earth that we are living in now is not only for human beings, we live with
animals
. We need to think about
humans
Rephrase
how humans
show examples
 and
animals
 are connected
together
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in
this
 area,
besides
, we were born to live together
elaborately
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. As you already know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
when the structure between
animals
 and humans breaks down, our life system
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
also
 be destroyed.
Therefore
,
this
 is why I think
people
 have to consider protecting
animals
' habitats more than our dwellings.
In addition
,
secondly
, human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are already placed excessively right now. I think our society does not need more institutions.
However
, because of our overwhelming number of buildings, endangered
animals
' residences are getting more decreased than before. As I said before,
this
 will be able to make our social structure endangered
consequently
. So we need to deeply think about whether
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 and
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 life system is sufficiently maintained. To summarize, I think
people
 and
animals
 were born to live together on earth and our community already have too many needs.
Hence
, in conclusion, I believe that we need to change our perspective which is for human beings
for conserving
Change preposition
to conserve
show examples
 endangered
animals
' residences and preserve
animals
' habitats.
Submitted by ehlight22 on

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task response
Provide a clear and strong thesis statement to clearly state your position on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph logically connects to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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