IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many countries spend too much money on training of a few individuals for international sports competition. Some people believe that government should spend more in ordinary people instead. Do you agree r disagree? give your opinion and example

#countries #money #individuals #sports #competition #people #government #r
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many nations are spending
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of money on some
people
Use synonyms
 for international sports
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
 training. A segment of
people
Use synonyms
 think that government should spend money on ordinary
people
Use synonyms
inplace
Correct your spelling
in place
. I agree that they should train the
person
Use synonyms
 who is
financal
Correct your spelling
financially
financial
 weak and
secondly
Linking Words
, give
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the
show examples
 opportunity to participate in international sports
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
. on the one hand, it is one of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to help the
person
Use synonyms
 who
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to become a good
sportperson
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
sport person
 because it is helpful for a
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 to work on his or her abilities and
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fame for the country.
For example
Linking Words
, if he
is belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to a poor family
however
Linking Words
 his family is not able to afford it but
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to give facilities
such
Linking Words
 as giving
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, shoes etc.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential to give more help to a new
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 to participate
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, it will help
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a normal
person
Use synonyms
 to become a
sportperson
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
sport person
 by showing his talent in
Correct article usage
the olympic
show examples
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
 games to achieve success .
Moreover
Linking Words
, he will get a good
job
Use synonyms
 as
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is
quote
Add an article
a quote
the quote
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 department to get the
job
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of their game.
Hence
Linking Words
, there is training
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
show examples
 to get the
job
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the government help the international
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 who is not able to get the facilities to achieve the
job
Use synonyms
 .
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important to give the
sport
Use synonyms
 to the
people
Use synonyms
 who are not rich and not able to achieve the goal.
Submitted by gs9542529 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: