IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Task 1: The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050.

Task 1: The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050.
#line #percentage #zealand #population
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The graph gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the proportion of different age groups of
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
 Zealand population in a
hundred year
Add a hyphen
hundred-year
show examples
 period of time between 1950 to 2050. The group
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over 65 always showed the highest percentage of
growth
Use synonyms
 compared to the other three age groups. For
over
Correct article usage
the over
show examples
 65 category, it stood at 60% in 1950
then
Linking Words
 increased gradually to nearly 70% in 1990 but declined to slightly below 60% in 2050. The second group 38-45 began with 20% of population
growth
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 number rose to 45% in 1990
then
Linking Words
 had a small decrease to 35% in the next 10 years. It remained with
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
 rate until 2050.
However
Linking Words
, the third group 25-37 had
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 percentage with 38-45 in 1950 but
this
Linking Words
 figure dropped significantly until a point of no
growth
Use synonyms
 in 2050.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the youngest category of 0-14 showed a fall from 5% to 2% in the first 40 years. Despite that, it rose
steady
Change the adjective
steadily
show examples
 to 20%
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period.
Submitted by Steph on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words growth with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fluctuating trends
  • Projections
  • Percentage
  • Demographic changes
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Stable
  • Increase/Decrease
  • Growth/Decline
  • Patterns
  • Historical context
  • Population dynamics
  • Trends
  • Significant shifts
  • Peaks and troughs
  • Forecasts
  • Projections
  • Analysis
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