The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. ...

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. ...
This
bar chart illustrates the total
time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10 to
15 year
Add a hyphen
15-year
show examples
children are spending on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
chating
Correct your spelling
chatting
and playing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
games
during their regular school days within the UK.
Overall
,
boys
are spending most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
games
but
girls
are spending more
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
chating
Correct your spelling
chatting
on
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. Spending
time
less than an hour in a day is quite similar in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activities. On the one hand, internet
chating
Correct your spelling
chatting
for less than an hour is quite
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
in all
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
of
boys
,
girls
and rest all
that is
around 20
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. On
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
average
Add a comma
,average
show examples
the
girls
Correct quantifier usage
number of girls
show examples
are spending 1-3 hours is higher
in
Change preposition
than
show examples
the
boys
Correct quantifier usage
number of boys
show examples
spend
Correct pronoun usage
who spend
show examples
the same
time
is 30% to 35 % respectively, followed by others at around 28%.
However
, almost 9%
girls
Change preposition
of girls
show examples
are spending more than 4hrs in a day but
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
people and
boys
are spending less respectively in
this
category.
On the other hand
,
boys
are utilizing most of the
time
on
games
which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
around 42% but
girls
are not engaging themselves in
this
activit
Correct your spelling
activity
as it was approximately 12%,
however
,
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
category comes on second in playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
. Even,
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
investing more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
4hrs in
day
Add an article
a day
the day
show examples
is
also
quite higher for
boys
compared with
girls
and other people.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
contrast
Add an article
the contrast
show examples
,
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
spending less than an
hours
Correct the article-noun agreement
hour
show examples
on
games
is comparatively higher than
boys
and all.
Submitted by kintans54 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, games, boys, girls with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adolescents
  • chatting online
  • games consoles
  • average school day
  • time allocation
  • social interaction
  • gaming habits
  • internet usage
  • preference
  • daily patterns
  • peak times
  • weekdays
  • weekends
  • gender differences
  • trends
  • implications
  • social skills
  • physical health
  • academic performance
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!