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Band 5

Some people think only students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded, while others think it is important to reward who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #results #reward #show #improvement
The
money
 of
taxpayers
 should be used
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
has become a topic of frequent discussion. It is undoubted that
health
 care is
one
 of
various
Add an article
the various
show examples
 important
priorities
,
while
 I guess that there is still an ongoing debate about the discussion. On the
one
 hand, some
people
 say governments should give priority to
health
 care. The main reason is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
health
 is always the first priority in
people
’s daily life. If the
health
 is lost,
people
 might become
anxiety
Replace the word
anxious
show examples
 and afraid, which must lead stress to rocket for citizens. And when the phenomenon appears,
people
 will get diseases both mentally and physically.
For instance
, they may produce certain bad moods, like depression. So
people
 won’t contribute their effort and time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work or study, which will be not beneficial to the development of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 in the future.
On the other hand
, others believe that
taxpayers
’
money
 should be spent on other important
priorities
. Since they believe that there are other important
priorities
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
show examples
 to be done,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 security, education and etc.
For example
, in
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
, security is
also
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
one
 of
important
Correct article usage
the important
show examples
priorities
.
In addition
, if the
money
 of
taxpayers
 is not used for security, the safety of citizens will be threatened and the social system will be unstable.
Therefore
, if the
money
 of
taxpayers
 is not considered for other important
priorities
 only for
one
, the social system will be out of balance. And
in other words
, it will influence the development of society and
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.
To sum up
, in my perspective, the
money
 of
taxpayers
 should be based on the actual situation to decide how to
use
Correct pronoun usage
ituse
show examples
.
Submitted by 416187468 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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