The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided chart illustrates the number of birth in Australia and the
immigrants
Correct quantifier usage
number of immigrants
show examples
who are living in urban, rural, and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
from 1995 and 2010. It is clearly observed that the number of
immigrants
who lived in cities accounted for the highest
figure
over the period. In 1995, the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
of local people who lived in
ciries
Correct your spelling
cities
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
about 50%,
whereas
that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in 2010 was above 60 %.
In addition
, the percentages for
Astralians
Correct your spelling
Australians
who choose
town
Add an article
a town
show examples
and rural areas for living were 20% and 30% in 1995, respectively. These
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
in 2010 were equal to each other. About
immigranats
Correct your spelling
immigrants
, 60% and 70% of
immigrants
decided to live in cities in 1995 and 2010, respectively.
Moreover
, the
figure
for
immigrants
who lived in towns in 1995 was
abot
Correct your spelling
about
10% and that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in 2010 was lower at approximately 5%.
Finally
, the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
of foreign people who stayed
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
rural areas was 40%,
in
contrast
Add the comma(s)
,contrast
show examples
this
figure
significantly decreased to almost 5%.
Submitted by fatemeh.gh9797 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words immigrants, figure with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: