IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The given bar chart illustrates how many British persons donated to charity in ages throughout the period of 1990 until 2010.

The given bar chart illustrates how many British persons donated to charity in ages throughout the period of 1990 until 2010.
#bar #british #persons #charity #ages #period
The given bar chart illustrates how many British persons donated to charity in ages throughout the
period
 of 1990 until 2010.
Overall
, what stands out from the chart is that over the
period
,
people
 from 36 to 50
years
 old were up the list through 1990.
While
 youth from 218 to 25
years
 bottom of the list over the
period
 in question.
In1990
Correct your spelling
In 1990
, regarding the provided details, youths from 18 to 25
years
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
donated to charities accounted bY around 17% of all ages.
then
, the donation year witnessed a dramatic increase between 26- and 35-
years
 individuals. after that, with the increasing of
age
Add a comma
,age
show examples
 the donation rate was growing until it reached its peak from the
age
 of 36 to 50
years
.
Then
 it returned to decrease Agan until 65
years
 old
people
 accounted by 33% of them are donating to the charities.
On the other hand
, in 2010, young
people
 from 18 to 25
years
 old were lower than those
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same of their
age
 in 1990 by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of ten.
in addition
, when the older
people
from26
Correct your spelling
from 26
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 35
years
 old accounted
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 24 donated persons in that
period
.
then
 the individuals
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
age
 of 36 to 65
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 old experienced a
gradualy
Correct your spelling
gradual
gradually
 growth in 2010 until they reached 39% donated person. after that, they saw a slight decrease
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the donated
people
 over 65
years
 old by 35%.
Submitted by aliaelarabi5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words period, people, years, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: