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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The given bar chart illustrates how many British persons donated to charity in ages throughout the period of 1990 until 2010.

The given bar chart illustrates how many British persons donated to charity in ages throughout the period of 1990 until 2010.
#bar #british #persons #charity #ages #period
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The given bar chart illustrates how many British persons donated to charity in ages throughout the
period
Use synonyms
 of 1990 until 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the chart is that over the
period
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,
people
Use synonyms
 from 36 to 50
years
Use synonyms
 old were up the list through 1990.
While
Linking Words
 youth from 218 to 25
years
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 bottom of the list over the
period
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 in question.
In1990
Correct your spelling
In 1990
, regarding the provided details, youths from 18 to 25
years
Use synonyms
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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donated to charities accounted bY around 17% of all ages.
then
Linking Words
, the donation year witnessed a dramatic increase between 26- and 35-
years
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 individuals. after that, with the increasing of
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age
Add a comma
,age
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 the donation rate was growing until it reached its peak from the
age
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 of 36 to 50
years
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.
Then
Linking Words
 it returned to decrease Agan until 65
years
Use synonyms
 old
people
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 accounted by 33% of them are donating to the charities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2010, young
people
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 from 18 to 25
years
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 old were lower than those
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same of their
age
Use synonyms
 in 1990 by
a
Correct article usage
apply
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one of ten.
in addition
Linking Words
, when the older
people
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from26
Correct your spelling
from 26
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 35
years
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 old accounted
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 24 donated persons in that
period
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.
then
Linking Words
 the individuals
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
age
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 of 36 to 65
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 old experienced a
gradualy
Correct your spelling
gradual
gradually
 growth in 2010 until they reached 39% donated person. after that, they saw a slight decrease
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the donated
people
Use synonyms
 over 65
years
Use synonyms
 old by 35%.
Submitted by aliaelarabi5 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, people, years, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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