IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that one sould plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Undoubtedly scheduling every fraction of an hour, so
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
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 important, even if it’s about organising free hours of work. And
therefore
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 some individuals disagree with the prospect. For , I partially agree with
this
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 and I will share my personal views on it. Organising every event is an important part of our lives
whereas
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 having pragmatic information about
further
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activities
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, so go to accomplished would become effortless to handle the situation.
However
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, a similar approach could turn down to be beneficial in scheduling a detailed plan of leisure
time
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 but
someone
Correct your spelling
some
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 would have believed . It could be a waste of
time
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 and energy. It would rather be used for another field. Given statement of the individual is pretty reasonable from several viewpoints.
For example
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, a person could optimise the resources to generate a timetable of imports and
activities
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 rather than details. Schedule of unimportant plans because common regular daily life tasks could be remembered in a fraction of a
second,
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but heavy workload whether it’s for students or employees, a detailed plan of crucial
activities
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 would
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
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 a first priority.
On the other hand
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,
time
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 management for younger people would become easier to determine with detailed planning in study
time
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 and free
time
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.
For instance
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, parents should encourage their kids to make a schedule for the whole day and what they should do considering the factor of how much
time
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 they should spend on hobbies and stories.
In addition
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,
this
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 advancement would bring advantages to make human life simpler and optimal where technological development would become helpful to organise events. There is a variety of apps available on online platforms which could give us a remaining list of added
activities
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 on a timely basis.
This
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 factor will
also
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 be life-saving in many aspects.
To conclude
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, every person will have their own perspective and a way of doing work either with planning or without any scheduling. In my opinion, children and teenagers should
have to
Verb problem
apply
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put more reliance on activity plans so they
could
Verb problem
do
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 not miss any opportunity or hobby to pursue in their leisure
time
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 .

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Introduction
Your introduction does not effectively set the stage for the ensuing discussion, and your stance is unclear. I suggest beginning with a stronger topic sentence that clearly outlines the debate and your position.
Logical Structure
The essay appears to be a blend of ideas without a clear logical flow. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences are relevant and contribute to that idea.
Examples
While some relevant examples are provided, there is a need for clearer, more specific examples that are directly related to the subject at hand.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points of your argument and restate your position clearly. Aim for a concise and compelling closing paragraph.
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