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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many places, the crime rate is increasing. What are the causes of increasing crime? What is the best way to deal with this problem?

In many places, the crime rate is increasing. What are the causes of increasing crime? What is the best way to deal with this problem?
#places #crime #rate
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Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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increasing
crime
Use synonyms
 became a serious problem. There are several reasons that lead to the rising
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
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 economy and
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 unemployment
rate
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, improving
educational
Add an article
the educational
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 system and providing good social welfare at the same time is the best way to solve the problem. On the one hand, there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 inverse relationship between the poor economy and the growth of
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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rate
Use synonyms
. Some people convicted pretty
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as stealing
of
Correct your spelling
or
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 burglary food for survival. The poor economic situation of their family
force
Change the verb form
forces
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 them to
brake
Correct your spelling
break
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 the law.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the poor
economic
Replace the word
economy
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also
Linking Words
 result in less educational resources. Some juvenile offenders choose to join gangsters under
of
Change preposition
apply
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peer pressure
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because they were surrounded by hardened criminals and
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 environment. Maybe they thought it was a good way to establish
connect
Replace the word
connections
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 with their peers.
However
Linking Words
, they don’t know the consequences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the government should set
complete
Correct article usage
a complete
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 social welfare system, in order to help people in need to face their
difficulty
Fix the agreement mistake
difficulties
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. If the parents can afford living pressure,
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 will have free time to keep an eye on their children.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, education plays a vital role in children’s life. Let a child get a good education not only provide
he
Correct pronoun usage
him
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 or
she
Correct pronoun usage
her
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 the ability to absorb
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 help them to regulate their emotions, build proper value in their mind and teach them to be responsible for their life.
In other words
Linking Words
, the authorities should help the public overcome the obstacles in their life and improve
educational
Add an article
the educational
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 system at the same time.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are plenty of
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 to solve the increasing
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
. If the government can lead the younger generation
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
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 on the right track and improve their living quality. Our future will be absolutely bright.
Submitted by BeckyJ on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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