IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there should not be any limitation on retirement age and people should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #age #limitation #retirement #work
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People
Use synonyms
 are divided on the issue of fixing an
age
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 for
retirement
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. Some
people
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 hold the opinion that
Use synonyms
retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
show examples
age
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 should be fixed at 65 years. Others assert that
mandatory
Correct article usage
the mandatory
show examples
retirement
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age
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 should be extended. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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,essay
show examples
 I will discuss both perspectives. I personally side with the former view. The main reason why some
people
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 hold the opinion that
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retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
show examples
age
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 should be set at 65 years is that
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 it may lead to youth unemployment. Unemployment among youth may lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in the crime rate, violent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and drug addiction. Increasing the
retirement
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age
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 will definitely worsen the problem of youth unemployment
especially
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,especially
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 in developing countries, like India and China.
On the other hand
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, those who are in favour of extending the
retirement
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age
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 give their reasons as follows.
Firstly
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, increasing the
retirement
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age
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 will help decrease the government's burden of providing
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
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 and other benefits for the elderly
such
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 as senior citizen discounts, healthcare benefits, travel benefits, etc.
Secondly
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, these
people
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 have years of experience, which can go waste if they retire early. No doubt, young
people
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 are more energetic and work more. I believe that the elderly should be retired at 65, as they have worked all their life and now it is time for them to relax and
enjoy
Correct pronoun usage
themselvesenjoy
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. They should utilize that time in travelling and pursuing their interests and hobbies, which they couldn't
because
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do because
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 of their hectic work life.
Moreover
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, young
people
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 have to be employed as they are very energetic and if
this
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 energy is not channelized in the right direction
then
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 they can go astray and cause problems.
To sum up
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, there are convincing arguments both for and against firing the
retirement
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age
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 at 65, but I reiterate that old
people
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 should be retired at that 
age
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.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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