IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Fast food is a part of life in many places. Some people think it has harmful effects on lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons.

#food #part #life #places #people #effects #lifestyle #diet
In recent years, kids having their own telephones for several reasons.Technology has a greater influence on children and adults. In my ,opinion I think having a mobile is completely a negative impact on our offspring.
However
, I believe
this
 would help them to learn.In
this
 ,essay I will discuss both advantages and disadvantages and try to draw some conclusions. The first and foremost reason that I would like to explain is, giving a phone at the early stage of a little one is equal to destroying their life. Let's see how
this
 is affecting our younger's life. Using mobiles frequently causes harm to the eyes. Nowadays 35% of kids are using spectacles. Getting addiction is the second major thing. Mothers are struggling a lot when feeding their little ones. Because they need telephone even eating. And using a phone regularly can harm earning power. One study shows that in the next 50 years, Most people in the world are blind and deaf. The third major disadvantage is using mobile is a big barrier between procreator and child bonding. heir don't have time to spend with their parents and the guardians too don't have the time to spend with their toddlers.
Finally
, Some children get depressed by using these devices. keeping an eye on the small screen is limiting their life in a small space.
Moreover
, they don't know how big the world is, how much of things are available to study.
On the other hand
, by using
this
 new technology, kids are becoming more and more advanced. They are learning new things. They can improve their knowledge to some extent.
This
 could lead our scion as brilliant. To sum it up, Giving the telephone at a younger age have lots of disadvantages.
For instance
 ,visible problems, ear problems, depression and
also
 bond breakage with sire.
In contrast
, they can gain knowledge too. So the guardians should be very aware of
this
 .They have to maintain a balance between the usage of technical devices and their healthy lifestyle. Always they have to keep an eye on it.
Submitted by akmaljeely on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: