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Writing Samples
Band 7

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centers. It is feared that this trend can bring negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly common for
people
 to spend much of their
time
 in shopping centres. It is a popular place for youngster to reduce their stress.
However
,
this
 trend can bring negative effects on the youth and society. In fact, I strongly agree that
this
 trend can give bad impacts on the youth and society for two main reasons. The main reason is spending too much
money
. By going to the mall regularly, youngsters can spend a lot of
money
 to buy things there. The more youngsters go to
malls
, the more
money
 they will need.
Moreover
,
this
 trend
also
 uses as validation among the
students
. It means that
people
 will feel proud if they hang out with their friends at
malls
.
However
,
this
 behaviour will lead them to become a wasteful person.
For instance
,
students
 will ask more
money
 from their parents to hang out with friends in the mall.
As a result
, It will increase the expense of the family. The following reason is less
time
 to study. By spending much
time
 with their friends in shopping centres,
students
 will get less
time
 to review their material at home.
Nevertheless
, it will lead them to become lazy
people
. They will not have a lot of
time
 to prepare for exams. For illustration, pupils prioritize their
time
 for fun rather than doing tasks and exercises.
Consequently
, they can not achieve academic success.
To sum up
, an increasing number of
people
 hanging out at
malls
 can bring negative effects on youngsters
such
 as spending too much
money
 which can rise the expense in the family. It
also
 decreases their
time
 to study at home which will affect their academic performance. I am strongly convinced that
students
 need to limit their
time
 to hanging out at
malls
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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