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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the Uk, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the Uk, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.
#minutes #billions #telephone #uk #three #categories
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The bar chart
compare
Change the verb form
compares
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 the average number of
minutes
Use synonyms
 of telephone
communicates
Replace the word
communication
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 in three different categories in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 over 8 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, communicating with
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
type
Use synonyms
 had the highest average of telephone calls.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the mobile
type
Use synonyms
 had
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negligible total
minutes
Use synonyms
. To be precise, you can see that
Mobile
Correct article usage
the Mobile
show examples
type
Use synonyms
 had risen trend
also
Linking Words
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 and international
type
Use synonyms
 rise by a similar figure from just under 10 billion
minutes
Use synonyms
 to around 50 and from around 40
minutes
Use synonyms
 to a little more than 60 respectively during these 8 years.
For the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 most popular
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 of call
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is local lines you can see small rises
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 15 billion
minutes
Use synonyms
 each year from 1995 to 1999.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 had fallen figure between 1999 to 2002 and it was about 90 billion
minutes
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by javadsaady1992 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, type with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number
  • minutes
  • telephone calls
  • UK
  • divided into
  • categories
  • from
  • to
  • overall
  • increased significantly
  • local fixed-line calls
  • accounted for
  • largest proportion
  • throughout
  • period
  • international calls
  • highest rate of growth
  • experiencing
  • sharp increase
  • national long-distance calls
  • remained relatively stable
  • slight decline
  • towards
  • end
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