IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is possible for a country to be economically successful and have a clean environment. Others argue that these two aims are not compatible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, economic growth and environmental green is the goal of all nations. Some people believe that economic success can
be
Verb problem
go
show examples
 hand in hand with the
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
. Others argue it is extreme ends to achieve
this
Linking Words
 harmony in life. I think it is possible to be economically success with
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
 green nature. Achieving synchronisation between the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 and the
environment
Use synonyms
 will be possible in several ways. Some countries have implemented laws and effective programs to
be
Verb problem
create
show examples
 a more green
environment
Use synonyms
 with economic growth.
For example
Linking Words
, New Zealand has sustainable projects which improve the air quality as governments use renewable energy sources like hydropower and solar system to be more productive with green energy use to reduce the effect of fossil fuels.
As a result
Linking Words
, their people are financially secure and without debt in international banks.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, New Zealand's government has become wealthier with the clearing of the atmosphere.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 many developing countries have risen in economy, they suffer from polluted air. They have developed because they use fossil fuels as energy sources which lead to carbon dioxide emissions
as a result
Linking Words
 of global warming, and polluted air.
For instance
Linking Words
, India has a strong economy, but it is one of the most polluted countries. As they have suffered from carbon devoid emissions from the industry.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are emissions from cars and vehicles, traffic congestion and traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 in their cities. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 sustainable industries (economic and
environment
Use synonyms
 green) most of the time are difficult to be, is not insurmountable. If the government
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 strict rules, there will be
clear
Add an article
the clear
a clear
show examples
 atmosphere.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some level of structuring, but the logical sequence of ideas could be significantly improved. Aim to have a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that neatly introduces the main idea of that paragraph. It is essential to make sure that your essay progresses in a logical and easy-to-follow order, ensuring each point builds on from the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion wraps up the essay, but it should more explicitly restate your opinion and summarise the main points made in the body of the essay. Introductions should provide a brief overview of the points you will discuss, while your conclusion should effectively finalize your arguments.
task achievement
You need to provide a more complete response to the question by outlining the two different views in the introduction and clearly stating your opinion. The body paragraphs should then explore each viewpoint with supporting details and examples, leading to a conclusion where your own perspective is succinctly reiterated.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. While you have mentioned some examples, they need to be elaborated upon and linked more closely to the argument you are making. Use a mixture of complex sentences and ensure that your essay logically progresses from introducing the issue to explaining your personal stance.
task achievement
To score higher on task achievement, make sure to use relevant and specific examples that directly support the points you are making about the economic success and environmental sustainability of a country. Additionally, avoid making vague or generic statements without backing them up with clear examples or evidence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • environmental sustainability
  • policies
  • technology
  • commitment
  • green technology
  • renewable energy sources
  • carbon emissions
  • pollution
  • industrial development
  • production
  • consumption
  • depletion of natural resources
  • loss of biodiversity
  • unsustainable
  • consumption patterns
  • sustainable development
  • technological innovation
  • global cooperation
  • circular economy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: