IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that it is a waste of money for countries to host big sporting events like the world cup, and that the money would be better spent on other things. However, others think that hosting large sporting events has a clear, positive impact on a coutry. Discuss both views

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There is ongoing debate in the
sports
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 field that money spent on large-scale
events
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such
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 as the Olympics or World Cups is wasted and pollution-causing but others think that not only about the reputation of that event associated with individual nations but
also
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 about bringing international cooperation to local
sports
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 companies.
This
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 writer believes that encouraging these prominent
events
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 can enhance the political and economic relationships between nations and help local citizens gain financial profit. It is obvious that setting up large competitions or
events
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 demands a huge amount of money from local residents. In
this
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 case, other activities to enhance facilities or citizen services will be procrastinated leading to backward and requiring a long period to develop. It can not be denied that there is an increase in pollution from every large event especially
sports
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 where millions of people throw personal trash away after the event has ended .
As a result
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, more and more polluted places appear because of the irresponsible actions of spectators.
Conversely
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, athlete success in big host
events
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 can gain a reputation for an individual nation which is the most important element of a developing country. In detail,
this
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 definitely appeals to foreign visitors and
this
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 helps local residents in finding jobs and making money.
Along with
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this
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 benefit is improved life quality for citizens in local areas
such
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 as places located near the sea where associated with a lot of well-known swimmers and sooner or later, individual nations will steadily develop. In my opinion, high-impact
events
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 of
sports
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 can benefit from international cooperation which builds a strong political and economic relationship in the future. In
this
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 case, athletes will have more resources to practice and hone their skills in an effective way.
For example
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, Nguyen Thi Anh Vien a famous swimmer who has received many rewards from the international
events
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 that helped Vietnam catch up with other countries
in particular
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sports
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. In conclusion,
this
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 writer is swayed by the long-term benefits of international relationships and making a profit by reputation rather than some drawbacks of high investment costs and pollution.

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task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, which is good. However, ensure you avoid minor inaccuracies to present a polished response. For example, 'pollution-causing' could be rewritten for clarity.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the logical structure between paragraphs can be improved for smoother transitions. Consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
Some points could benefit from further development and specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, elaborate more on how local citizens gain financial profit and provide concrete examples.
task achievement
The essay introduces relevant examples, but more detailed and specific examples would make your arguments stronger. For example, explaining exactly how Nguyen Thi Anh Vien's success benefited Vietnam would be effective.
coherence cohesion
Although your main points are clear, ensure each paragraph maintains a singular focus. Be mindful of not mixing ideas within paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structured approach with a clear introduction and conclusion enhances readability.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples, such as Nguyen Thi Anh Vien, adds credibility to your arguments.
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