IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

1.) Some people think that having a set retirement age (eg. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that a certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement

#people #retirement #age #eg #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #benefit
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Set retirement age is a debatable issue for many workers. There are several concerns about the completion of employment tenure. I agree with them that
this
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 limit should not be fixed
due to
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 the following reasons.
Firstly
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, different workers have different health capabilities,
hence
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 they continue to job to date but their health does not allow them to remain at work.
Furthermore
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, some of them got serious with emergent conditions with several cautions to track for their upcoming welfare. Linking that, they got several pieces of advice from health practitioners or physicians not to attend their workplaces
while
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 they have physical or mental diseases.
Secondly
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, Some employees got injuries
while
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 at work or outside and
due to
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 that, they are not allowed to attend their employment and have been advised to keep on rest for a long time. For ,instance if an employee got disabled at the old life of 50 years,
then
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 he might deserve to be retired and avail pension plan.
Similarly
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, he would be able to sustain his growth with dignity and honour.
Thirdly
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, stamina and performance do not remain the same for whole life.
Although
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 people try to pretend to perform very well at a later maturity, they might not be at the optimum level.
For example
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, in young
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 masses perform absolutely excellently with creativity and energy, but in the later part of life, their passion and enthusiasm drop. It happens because of the reason that they got old and have less vulnerable to things. To wrap up, retirement should not be fixed to 65, but rather to keep it flexible
according to
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 the underlying state of the workers.
Submitted by kash.omer32 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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