In some countries today children are taught from young age that competition is important and winning is everything. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

world of competition, there is
n
Correct your spelling
an

If you don’t want n to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

on-going
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ongoing

The word on-going doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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trend that young
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should learn to compete and to win for everything. Some nations proclaim
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

and encourage
the
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apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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youngsters to achieve
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
whereas
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe that it is not an appreciable development, even though it has some upsides. One of the major drawbacks of
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend is
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

become more mentally stressed. When they are forced to achieve a task, youngsters will go through a stressful situation.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

At
Change the preposition
In

The preposition At may be incorrect. Consider changing it to a different preposition.

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the end, if they do not win, that incident will lead to some psychological problems like depression, lack of concentration etc.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it will pressure them to
take
Correct your spelling
make

The word take doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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fatal
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions

It seems that decision may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in their
livesdue
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lives due

If you don’t want livesdue to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to their immature behaviour.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, competitive spirit among
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

causes
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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find
out
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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illegal ways to attain
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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good results. Sometimes it would not be their cup of tea,but they are compelled to work for it. When they think that, they cannot reach the target,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

look for different ways to achieve the goal without knowing the impacts.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, competitive minds make them
to
Change the verb form
apply

It appears that the verb to achieve should be in the bare infinitive form. Consider removing to from in front of this verb.

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achieve goals and encourage them to work hard for it. In later life,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

mindset
Correct article usage
a mindset

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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would help them to achieve their goals
easy
Change the word
easily

Easy seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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. In conclusion, teaching
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to become competitive to win is appreciatable, but
it's
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its

The word it's doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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side effects should be taken
in
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into

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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due consideration to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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stress and the pathway to wrong decisions.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay to ensure better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully responds to the task prompt and provides relevant and specific examples to support the ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achievement
  • drive
  • personal growth
  • self-esteem
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • strategic thinking
  • pressure
  • time management
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • burnout
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • personal success
  • collaborative efforts
  • rivalry
  • camaraderie
  • unethical behavior
  • cheating
  • integrity
  • moral compass
  • long-term consequences
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
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