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Band 5.5

the government should give each citizen a basic income, so they have enough money to live on, even if they are unemployed To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #citizen #income #money
With the advent of economic prosperity, an increasing number of citizens proposed that the authorities have a responsibility to support individuals' fundamental needs of living by giving money to everyone. Not only for a person who has a job but
also
 for someone who does not. I disagree with the proposal,
due to
 several disadvantages, a rate of unemployment
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
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 and the financial burden heavying on local administrations. One of the compelling cons of allocating funds for every citizen is it may become a major reason causing a higher rate of resigning.
This
 is because a human has a nature, to get without
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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.
Moreover
, if they have a chance, they will likely choose to stay home
instead
 of doing exhausting tasks. Even if their low salary may influence their living standards;
therefore
, the proposal may bring a negative influence on the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 market. Obviously, an increased lack of
labor
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labour
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 will cultivate a new economic recession.
In addition
, the allocation of funds for providing original people with basic income will cause an increased financial burden for local governments,
while
 the regulation offers more serious advantages,
such
 as impeding the improvement of living standards. Since, governments need to reduce the allocation of public infrastructure, including accommodations, public transportation, and so on;
hence
, if the administration takes responsibility
to give
Change preposition
for giving
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 individuals basic income, a corollary is that the country's economy rundown and living standards reduced. In summation, it is prohibited for every citizen to be given basic income from funds allocation
due to
 two visual disadvantages, including resignation and the
government's
Change noun form
increasing
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 financial burden
increasing
Verb problem
apply
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, these will cause disastrous results for a long period.
Submitted by lyutingting520 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your overall structure is logical but there could be a better transition between your ideas. Try to link your sentences more smoothly and interconnect your paragraphs to create a harmonized debate.
Task Achievement
You did well in presenting your views clearly and supported them with relevant ideas. However, you could improve by providing more specific examples to strengthen your claims.
Organisation
Good job on presenting the introduction and conclusion. To enhance it further, the introduction could introduce the main points to be discussed in your essay, and the conclusion could summarize your views more powerfully.
Grammatical Range
Be careful with sentence structure and ensure the correct use of punctuation. Sentence complexity is good but clarity should not be compromised.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary usage is fair, but could be improved. Some phrases are repeated quite frequently. Avoid redundancy and try to employ a more diverse range of vocabularies.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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