People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families？

#people #countries #time #families #happen #effects #families？

Some people argue that, nowadays, a number of people do not spend

time

with their

families

. I strongly believe that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

families

Add a missing verb

are more

show examples

and more becoming nuclear

families

and single

families

. Recently,the cost of

house

buying or rental

Verb problem

has

show examples

significatly

Correct your spelling

significantly

increased. So,people move to faraway cities of

Correct article usage

the center

show examples

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

to find reasonably cost

house

Finally

, they will find a

house

. But, their

house

would be located outside the city. So, their company going

time

will be very long, coming home

time

too. That means

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they will not have

time

for

house

stay

time

and family gathering

time

. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

Their many times will be spent on the road.

Also

, children spend

many

Replace the quantifier

much

show examples

time

studying. Early in the

moring

Correct your spelling

morning

show examples

, they go to school. And, they go to academic classes

such

as mathematics,

english

Change the capitalization

English

show examples

, playing the piano and painting after school. And

then

,they come back home

time

is between 9 and 10. They have a short

time

to rest after, starting to study with homework and add study.

As a result

, they too will not have family

communication

time

. The mentioned above, the

families'lifestyle

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

has negative effects on family members. They do not talk to each other more and more. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they do have no

time

to meet. that leads to that family member

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

to lacking

communication

and emotional

communication

As a result

time

Correct word choice

as time

show examples

goes by, they will think that my

house

is uncomfortable. The lack of

communication

influences their children.

They

Correct your spelling

The

show examples

children will become

individualism

Replace the word

individualistic

show examples

. that will be a social

communication

problem.

Submitted by moneekun on Mon Aug 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas more coherently.

task achievement

Ensure that the essay fully addresses the given topic and provides clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families？

Include an introduction and conclusion

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugat, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that individuals should change jobs during their working life often while others believe that doing the same job has advantages to individuals, companies, and society.

As technology helps to gain access to information, fact teaching should be removed and school should focus on developing skills and talents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.